"If I'd known... I might've done more..."

Last night, Troy and I went to see "Concussion", a movie based on the work of Dr. Bennet Omalu, a doctor who challenged the NFL on concussions and traumatic brain injury in players of football. In the movie, the disease is named Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE. It was a good movie, and would definitely be worth watching if you have a child playing football.

One line from the movie really bothered  me though. An estranged wife of one of the former players who had died from CTE (suicide) said, "If I'd known he had CTE, I might have done more to help him..."  The player had shown violence, heavy drinking, mood swings, anger.  The former football player eventually committed suicide.  All of this is characteristic of CTE.  But it is also characteristic of mental illness in general.

On the outside, we have been conditioned to believe that someone who has it all (money, fame and fortune) and then starts "going crazy", with unjust anger towards those he loves, mood swings and violence has just "lost it".  The fame (or as in the cases of former football players, the lack of fame) has gone to their head.  We might say "mental illness", but because it comes on so unexpectedly, we might not even think it is really any type of mental illness.  And so we marvel at their path of self-destruction and pat ourselves on the back that we would never go down that path.

And truthfully, we do this with all types of mental illness.  We don't understand it.  We don't know what to do with it.  We think of the homeless... "They should just get a job."  We think of the violent..."They watched too many video games.  We think of those who commit suicide...  "They had so much going for them... why on earth would they have done that?"

I guess that is what bothers me so much about the line in the movie.  "If I'd known it was CTE, I might have done more to help him..."  Because you thought he was mentally ill, you ran away? You didn't try to understand?  You didn't try to help him?  I get that this is a movie, and I don't know that his wife actually even said those words, but isn't that what often happens?   When we get a diagnosis, we feel like there is a cure.  But guess what, there isn't a cure for CTE and there was nothing else anyone could have done for those struggling with it but love them and try to understand them. Instead, the wife left him and he became homeless and crazy on the streets.

And that's how it is with mental illnesses.  There isn't a "cure". You can medicate some symptoms.  But you can't make it go away.  Did you know that when people commit suicide, often they sincerely and deeply feel that the world will be better off with out them.  They aren't thinking about how much it will hurt a family member.  They aren't trying to hurt us.  They only believe that the world would be better off if they weren't there.

I just think that we as a people need to do a better job at understanding all mental illnesses.  I know (first hand) how difficult it is to live with someone struggling with a mental illness.  I know how difficult it is to find help.  The runaround from therapists and doctors.  Or from the person themselves, who don't want to believe anything is wrong with them.

This was a great series of articles in USA Today regarding the treatment of the mentally ill:
http://www.usatoday.com/longform/news/nation/2014/05/12/mental-health-system-crisis/7746535/

I don't know how to finish this...  My heart breaks for those who have family members in the middle of a struggle with any type of mental illness.  Where does this fit in Heavenly Father's plan for us?  Why are there not more answers?

My only advice?  Love them for who they are.  Learn who they are.  Learn how their brains function. Try to understand their point of view and how they view the points around them.  It's ok to be angry at dumb choices, but don't let that anger define you or your relationship with the mentally ill.  Use your energy to advocate for better and more accessible services.

That's it.  That's my thought.

Happy New Year

An update on the Bise family:

Since the annual sending out of a Christmas card and family Christmas letter failed to materialize again this year, I will note it here for those who are interested.

First of all, we moved.  We still live in Newman Lake, but we finally built a house on the farm. We moved the day after Christmas 2014 and sold our home sweet home on the lake.  The kids have missed the old house some, but Troy and I have not missed it very much at all.  It was an amazing home to raise the kids in, but being built in 1937, it had a lot of kinks.

The new home:  12532 N. McCoy Rd, Newman Lake, WA

Our Christmas season officially began here in the Spokane/CDA region with a massive windstorm, which hit us on November 17th.  Winds blew steadily at over 80 mph, enough to be compared to hurricane force winds.  Power was knocked out to almost 1,000,000 customers, including us.  We were lucky.  Our power was only out for 4 days.  Many friends and neighbors had their power out for 9 days.

My nephew posted a Facebook entry on how important it is that we learn to live off the grid in the case of our U.S. power system being taken out by bad guys.  The post suggested turning off your power for a week and seeing what you would need to survive.  Well, I can tell you that you need water.  You need heat.  And you need the internet.

Troy bought the last available generator at North 40 the morning after the windstorm.  We had already wired our new home to take a generator. Because our water is run through the barn electricity, we did have to move the generator daily to turn on the water, water the animals, shower and fill up our jugs.  We had been trying to install our woodburning stove since August, but one mishap after another slowed dow the install.  The chimney wasn't built to code, parts were missing, etc.  So not having heat was the worst part of the 4 day outage (we did run small space heaters in 2 bedrooms with the generator.)

We survived that and moved on... except that the Sunday before Christmas, it started snowing. And snowing. Until almost 3 feet of snow had fallen.  The trees were heavy.  The trees started snapping. The power went out again.  First on Tuesday for about 4 hours.  Then on Wednesday from noon till 7 pm. Then on Thursday, Christmas eve, it went out at 12:30 am and was out until 9 pm.  But this time we had heat and WiFi and we were happy.  Again, many of our friends and neighbors were without power Christmas day and beyond.

So here's the news on the kids:

Robbie and Kate had a baby this year!  We are grandparents of darling, adorable Finnick Thiel Bise, born in April.  Lucky for us, Robbie did his internship in Liberty Lake and the three of them moved in with us in August and stayed with us until last week.  We adored having a baby in the house (and loved having Rob and Kate with us too.) It was so fun to get to know this little guy and watch his personality develop.  Kate graduated from BYU-I last December and Robbie will graduate in July.

Dallin is serving a 2 year mission for our church in the Chicago area.  He will be home in April, 2016.  We have missed him, but love hearing from him on a weekly basis.  He has loved serving as a missionary, helping people in so many ways.  Although he's been in some scary and difficult situations, his faith and testimony of the Savior have increased.  What a blessing it is to serve as a missionary.

Jordon graduated from High School in June.  He worked two jobs all summer and saved enough money to pay for his first year at college.  He survived the first semester at BYU-I just fine, learning how to grocery shop, do laundry and take care of himself!  Because of the large number of kids attending BYU-I, the school uses a track system to allow the greatest number of enrollees possible.  Jordon is on the Fall/Spring track, so he will stay here until April, when Spring semester begins.  Luckily, a family friend had a job opening, so he will be able to work and save more money!

Cadie and Charli are Juniors this year.  They enrolled in Running Start, allowing them to attend the local community college full time with credits transferring to the high school for graduation.  They both ran track last spring and Cross Country again this fall.

Cadie has become very interested in photography and has done several photo shoots for friends to help develop her skills.  She also enjoys music and especially musical theatre.

Charli spent a lot of time iceskating last winter and is hoping to start that back up in January.  She also enjoys writing, creating and Twenty-one Pilots (her very favorite band).

Cami is 10 this year.  She is in 4th grade.  She is the friendliest kid you'll ever meet.  She has no enemies and loves everyone around her.  She loves to be creative and has a teacher this year that is inspiring her to write stories.  She also loves animals and  got a pony of her own for her birthday.

Troy has been working for the Lexmark for the past 4-5 years.  In his free time, he loves farming, growing a garden and getting his fruit trees to produce.  He enjoys raising his 8 cows, 2 bulls and 1 steer.  He works hard and works smart for our family and we are so thankful for him.

Troy meets Ray Benson of Asleep at the Wheel

I started working this year, thinking that I should get some work experience using my degree.  I walked into the most amazing job and was hired pretty much on the spot.  I am a Family Service Coordinator for ECEAP (Washington's Head Start) at a Child Development Center.  I work with super low income families helping them to set goals and meet their needs.

I think that is all.  We are blessed to live in such a beautiful area and be surrounded with our amazing family and good friends and neighbors.  We are truly blessed.

Hugh and Sharron come visit and meet Red, the cow.

Collier Family reunion in Lincoln City, OR (PC Kalli)